A couple of years ago – almost 3 now – I did something that I wasn’t proud of. Over coffee with a friend another mutual friend/mentor came up in conversation. My coffee friend was recounting something and repeated to me something she heard our friend/mentor say about me and how being a Mom would be distracting for my career. I was very hurt to hear that these things had been said about me and I considered for a moment confronting the person – but I hadn’t seen her in some time – so I didn’t – I avoided it actually— I didn’t really want the confrontation – not just with her – but with myself. I didn’t want to admit that those same voices were in my head about balancing parenting with being all that I was striving to be.
The next time I spoke to this person/mentor we had a blow up and I spat back to her that I had heard what she said. We got into it – went back and forth once or twice – until somewhere the better part of me stopped myself. I should have went to her immediately about this instead of believing instantly what someone else said – this friend/mentor is a person I deeply respect and had learned so much from – I, in fact was the messy one for not dealing with it head on. My own insecurities about motherhood had me on high sensitivity.
It wasn’t until very recently that this entire scenario finally was cleared up all the way. Part of it is due to my confidence increasing – maybe a little maturity thrown in there too. I’ve shown myself what I am capable of- my heart has opened and softened while at the same time I’m stronger and tougher in a good way. The two of us sat down and she explained to me her point of view on motherhood and careers – which contained elements of what my coffee friend told me – but was not the entire story at all – and was just enough out of context that it caused a huge disruption where there didn’t need to be one at all.
I am so happy that this woman is both smart and wise like good mentors are – and was patient with me – never made me feel little- and our relationship is deepening now.
Recently, I’ve found myself on the other side of this. Karma I suppose. Well rounded learning for sure. I went through a major personal and professional disruption/divorce last year. This was heartbreaking for me. Sometimes heartbreaks are necessary – you find out who you are all the way through and well after it. Right as you think you are starting to heal – something ugly can pop up. Something certainly did for me as I was blindsided about a rumor about me that I didn’t know was swirling around and I still don’t know exactly what it is. Ooof. Very mean girls. Very hurtful.
After the initial shock of this settled I thought of my daughter. What would I -and will I tell her when something like this comes up for her. Number 1 – You have to know who you are. You have to get real strong in that. You will be tested. You are creative therefore you are sensitive. Feel what you feel but don’t dwell. Focus on who loves you – who knows your heart. Take responsibility where you need to and move on. Get busy with the things you love in life and bypass all the bitches.
Photo By Rae February 2016 Marina Del Ray, CA Top & Skirt by TopShop Heels from Jet Rag Lenses by Ivan Bitton.