While most Facebook statuses are the typical parent-bragging, food-sharing, sinner-preaching type of folly. Some Facebook statuses make you pause, go grab some popcorn, and get ready for the online war that’s about to ensure.

Recently, an old college friend, posted, The way a man treats and loves his child directly corresponds with how he feels about the child’s mother. So when you have a baby for a man that you barely know, is somebody else’s man, or treats you like crap, understand that man probably won’t be any better to your child than he was to you.

Oooooh child—I knew that Facebook was going to getter hotter than fish grease that night. My boy hit all the wrong buttons. So, I sat back and waited for the first grenade to go off. I didn’t have to wait long.

A real man takes care of his kids no matter what the circumstances.

I hate to admit it, but you are right. My son’s father has never been around. But he seems to be a very active a good dad with him and his wife’s children.

How in the fuck are you going to blame the way a man treats his child on a woman’s choices?

And the war waged. People took sides, got upset, explained, shared, and got more upset. It was personal for many.

I thought about this post when I watched the throwback episode of Roomieloverfriends. You can’t help but to notice how the father treated one daughter much differently than the other. He definitely had his favorite–his princess. In this case, did the father treat his daughters differently because of his differing relationships with the mothers?

Most women love their children unconditionally. They can have a child by someone whom they hate, yet they still adore and raise that child. I have friends who have children who look exactly like, and are even named after, men who have dogged them; but they still are loving, responsible mothers to those children. But, is it different for men? Is a man’s relationship with a child closely tied to his relationship with the child’s mother?

I have at least two girlfriends who are now divorced. When they were married, their husbands were exceptional fathers: present, active and kind. Once they got divorced, the fathers started missing scheduled visits, failed to call frequently (though the children had their own cell phones), and stopped attending sporting events that they had never missed previously.

I have also witnessed guys who have a child by one woman, then later marry another. When the children born in marriage definitely seem to be favored over the children born outside of marriage. I don’t know if this is due to the convenience of them living in the same house; that the new wife makes it difficult for her husband to have a relationship with his “outside” child; or that the husband prefers the children born with the woman with whom he married. All I know is that if love is not given equally, everyone’s relationship will be imbalanced; resentment will breed; trust will deteriorate. Regardless of the reasons behind it; when one child is favored over another it’s a guaranteed pot of hot messiness that will make everyone involved sick.

-Randi Bryant

Randi Bryant
Passionate * Opinionated * Curious * Perpetually excited about life, Randi Bryant writes on her blog Beatnik24.com and has her first book coming out in early 2017.  When she’s not writing, she is happiest when there is a glass of wine in her hand.