No one enjoys being haunted by their ex. Even worse, no one wants to be haunted by the ex of their significant other. You are supposed to be milly rocking in the fields of love with your new boo, not checking their twitter and Instagram likes. Next thing you know, you’ve popped the question. No, not that one. This one: “Do you still have feelings for your ex?”

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Is that really a fair question? The BEST case scenario is that your boo will say HELL TO THE NAW and then proceed to tell you that you’re the realest thing popping.

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More often that not, someone will react negatively to the question. That doesn’t necessarily incriminate them. Exes are a trigger subject. The REAL question is…why do you feel the need to ask?

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Perhaps you are trying to swerve rejection. The last thing you want is to be the recipient of a #DearDarryl letter. (For the record, a Dear Darryl letter is a lot more gutter than a Dear John letter. It gets straight to the point.)

So you ask the question juuuuust to make sure everybody is leaving the past in the past. But doesn’t that say more about YOU and your insecurity than the other person? At this point you are projecting your insecurities onto your boo and thereby self-sabotaging the relationship. Now you out here looking paranoid and quoting Keith Sweat lyrics, dawg.

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But do we ever really get over our exes? You closed that door a long time ago. Okay. But you know good and well you get that extra bass in your voice once you start thinking about the way they did you, the things they took from you, and the things they said about you during the breakup. PLUS, you still get the shouts when Boyz II Men’s “Doin Just Fine” comes on the radio.

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And there is nothing wrong with that! But there IS something wrong with confronting a person about their ex.

There is a reason why you don’t talk about past relationships on a date. It’s the same reason why you shouldn’t dwell on past relationships when you are in a new one. Looking backwards keeps you from moving forward. Then was then and now is now.

Whatever you seek, you shall find. Seek a happy and healthy relationship – one that is free from insecure questions.

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I got big dreams and a big heart to match. Probably somewhere laughing. And watching Martin. Viola Davis is my Beyonce.